You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
