I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize