i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
