Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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