she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
