She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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