i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
