I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
