there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Randomize
