Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
