he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
