I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
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Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
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I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
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