she woke up with a sticky ear
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
honey bunches of taint.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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