i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
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There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
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Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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