Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
