He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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