U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
