So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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