dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
