24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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