Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
