The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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