Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
