He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Damn victory sex feels great
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
