So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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