The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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