are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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