We got so high we made milksteak
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
