i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
this beer tastes like vomit already
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize