oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
