The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
