I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
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My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Holy sore nipples Batman
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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