just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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