She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
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Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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