I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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