Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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