And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
