4 words: hood of his car
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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