Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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