1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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