Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
