I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My penis needs a shock collar
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
