Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
