Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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