so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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