i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
