this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
