i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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