It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
