I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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