In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
