they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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