you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i already hear my dad disowning me
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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