I accidentally burped into my bong.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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