Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
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we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
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We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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