i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
