he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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