Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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