Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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