i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
