Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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