She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
do herpes really smell.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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