Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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