I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
