Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
