So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
ttyl tear gas
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
