you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
