Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
this will be a night to untag.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
