This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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