thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
