Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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