First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize