Dual....:-)
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
