You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
