i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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