I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My bed smells like the plague
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
