I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
