just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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