last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
