Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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