the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
