dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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