he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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